Paleo Resolutions

On January 1, my husband made an impressive resolution: to start the oh-so-trendy, all-over-the-blogosphere Paleo diet. I believe he made this resolution in his mind on December 31 without really having any knowledge of the Paleo diet other than having seen some fantastic before-and-after photos of someone who had supposedly followed it for 30 days and lost a lot of weight.

In response to my dear sweet husband’s announcement that he wanted to “go Paleo”, I must confess that I was much less than an encouraging, supportive wife. It’s just that this man doesn’t really like vegetables, and based on my fuzzy recollection of the Paleo guidelines, I was pretty sure that vegetables were supposed to play a large part. I mean, he once happily lived on cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, and cereal for dinner every day for over a month I was working on the other side of the globe. How did he think he was going to give up grains??

While trying to figure out what to buy at the grocery store, I found myself constantly asking my husband about which foods the Paleo Powers that Be would permit. He got tired of answering me, so he boiled it down to two simple questions, which I have illustrated below in a handy flow chart:

The Paleo Diet, simplified (by a man).

So now you can understand why it’s really been more the “Bacon & Eggs” diet going on around here. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, because I normally love bacon, but reaaaaaally I’m getting tired of the smell of it. I mean, isn’t there a limit to how much bacon should actually be good for a person!?

I certainly don’t have anything against you if you’re into the Paleo thing, it’s just that I’m largely pregnant and very stubborn and I personally have no interest in it. Plus, I thought that the original premise of the Paleo diet was to eat like a caveman. If so, why do I see nothing but “Paleo Chocolate Chip Cookies” and “Paleo Thin Mint Cookies” recipes plastered all over my Pinterest feed? I don’t think cavemen baked cookies, folks. That’s just your wishful thinking.