About a year ago, I was a sleep-deprived zombie. I considered it good night if my four-month-old gave me at least three hours of uninterrupted sleep. My husband used to joke that our son’s favorite hymn was “I Need Thee Every Hour”. Most nights, that was astonishingly accurate.
One Saturday morning, I found myself awake bright and early even though my son was (miraculously) still sleeping. And what’s the number one mantra of new mommies? Say it with me: SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!
But try as I may, I just couldn’t make myself fall back asleep even though it had been another difficult night and I felt exhausted. Screw this, I thought. I’m going to treat myself to Starbucks.
I set the baby monitor on my husband’s nightstand, found a pair of crumpled up jeans in the closet, pulled them on, and hopped in the car. When I got to Starbucks, I realized that since I didn’t have an infant with me, I didn’t have to go through the drive-through – I could actually walk inside! FOR SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON THIS MADE ME GIDDY!
(As a side note, what’s up with all the people who have two functioning legs, no small children or animals in the car, and yet refuse to park and walk into a place? Now that I’m a mom, such people irritate the heck out of me.)
So I ordered my iced chai at the counter inside, paid, and took three or four steps to the side to stand and wait. That’s when I heard a man say, “Ma’am? Is that yours?”
I smile and look to where he’s pointing on the floor.
It’s my underwear. Purple underwear.
My mind races. What the hell?! How did those get there?
Oh. They must have been hiding at the bottom of the leg of the jeans I was wearing, which I had also worn the day before. And probably the day before that, too.
I didn’t even acknowledge him; I just grabbed them and ran to the ladies’ room. Since I wasn’t carrying a purse, I tried stuffing them in my pocket, but it looked rather obvious. I threw them away, rushed out, avoided eye contact with the man, swooped up my drink from the barista, and drove home totally mortified.
And what comforting, encouraging words did my darling husband have for me when I told him about the most embarrassing thing that had happened to me since middle school?
“I can’t believe you threw away a perfectly good pair of underwear!”
By the way, did you know that cloth diapers have a lot in common with Starbucks? Just for fun I’m giving away $15 Starbucks cards to two lucky readers. I know it’s not much, but sometimes Mommy needs a little treat so that’s what this is. Bring on the entries!